


Boarding With The Frenemy

by aftermathangel



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-11
Updated: 2017-07-11
Packaged: 2018-01-13 12:01:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 19,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1225543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aftermathangel/pseuds/aftermathangel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Adam & Sauli’s paths cross when they’re assigned as roommates at a boarding school in Pennsylvania. Adam doesn’t want anything to do with anyone let alone a roommate. But with a little persistence, will Sauli be able to break down his defensive shell?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. You're Not Even Going To Say Sorry

** Sauli **

I stepped off the bus and looked out on the campus of the boarding school. My parents thought it would be a good experience to come to the US and I definitely agreed. I couldn’t wait to explore and get to meet new people. Suddenly I was nearly knocked off my feet by an ebony haired boy as he rushed past. He looked back as if to see if I was ok but continued hurriedly walking. I reached in my bag for my map and started toward the admissions building to get my room assignment. There was a long line but after 10 minutes I had my room assignment in my hand. I looked at the map and a few minutes later walked into the boys dormitory. I took the elevator to the 3rd floor and walked down the hall looking for room 318. It was down at the end of the 2nd hallway. I opened the door and walked inside. One side of the room was decorated already with rock posters and modern style. I liked it … it was really cool. I walked over to my side and put my luggage on the bed. A few minutes later the door opened and the ebony haired boy from earlier walked inside. He looked at me for a moment and then realized who I was and avoided eye contact.

“You’re not even going to say sorry?” I questioned semi annoyed at his response. Were all people this rude here?

“Sorry …” He mumbled his apology then curled up on his bed with his iPod proceeding to rifle thru his luggage for earphones.

“It’s ok. My name is Sauli.”

“Adam …”

He found them and put them on as the music blasted out of them. I started unpacking all my stuff and setting it up. About an hour later I put the final picture on my wall. It was of my sisters and me, I had three of them a twin and 2 older. I was the baby, if only by 4 minutes. The picture was hanging a bit crooked so I straightened it and then looked at my watch … 4:30pm. It would be 11:30pm in Finland, it was too late. My stomach grumbled so I looked at the map to find out where the cafeteria was. I got up and looked over at Adam. He leaned upwards and took one of the ear buds out, waiting to see what I was going to say.

“I’m heading to the cafeteria to get something to eat. Want to join me?”

“Not hungry …” He mumbled and before I could say anything else, popped the ear bud back in flopping down on his pillow.


	2. How Could Things Get Any Worse

** Adam **

I ventured out of my room to get a coffee and was immediately hit with hundreds of stares. It was THE worst feeling in the world. I was glad that I had gotten permission to come 2 days early so I was already set up. I walked all the way to the coffee shop only to find out that it was closed. I sighed in frustration and started walking back to the dormitory. I was almost there when I heard it. It was said loud enough to be sure I heard it and I cringed. You would think I would be used to being called a fag by now. They were right, not that anyone realized exactly how right they were. They just assumed such by the way I dressed and the black nail polish on my nails. I could hear one of them yelling at me to come over there so I quickened my pace as they started following me. I got to the common area of the school where everyone was gathered so I bobbed and weaved thru the throngs desperate to get away from them. I looked back for a moment to see if they were still following me and plowed into someone. Continuing to walk I quickly looked back to see if he was alright. God he was handsome with his fluffy blonde hair, petite built, and ocean blue eyes like mine. I could see the people following me had gotten close and were looking for me so I quickly sped away. There was a small coffee shop at the dormitory so I made my way there and got a small mocha frappuccino. It was empty so I sat there finishing it then headed back up to my room, number 318. I walked inside and was stunned to see the blonde boy I had run into. I could tell he recognized me so I hung my head.

“You’re not even going to say sorry?”

His accent rang in my ears and I felt awful. I wasn’t a very social person (due to the hate put on me for years I had withdrawn into myself) but I normally would’ve at least asked the person if they were ok.

“Sorry …”

I sat on my bed and grabbed my iPod. Of course the ear buds had detached themselves and became lost in the sea of random crap that was left in my luggage. I started digging needing the comfort of my music, needing to escape.

“It’s ok. My name is Sauli.” What a unique name. I couldn’t place his accent but it was definitely foreign. Maybe somewhere in the Scandinavian area?

“Adam …”

I retrieved the ear buds and popped them in my ears letting the comforting sound drown out my surroundings. I really didn’t want to be here smack dab in the middle of boring Pennsylvania. Sauli finally gave up trying to communicate with me and started setting up his side of the room. About an hour later he walked toward me and stared. I could tell he wanted to ask me something so I pulled out one of the ear buds.

“I’m heading to the cafeteria to get something to eat. Want to join me?”

“Not hungry …”

I popped the ear bud back in and watched as Sauli slowly left the room. My stomach grumbled and I sighed, in all actuality I was starving but it would be packed down there. That was the last thing I needed at the moment. I looked at my cell phone and sighed. Nobody would be calling, nobody cared as long as I was out of their hair. I pulled out a peanut butter and jelly sandwich I brought from home and took a couple bites. I really didn’t want it but I managed to force it down and took a long sip from my water bottle. I pulled the covers over me and just stared at the ceiling … how could things get any worse?


	3. I Wanted To Fix Him

** Sauli **

When I got back up to the room it was late. After dinner I was invited by one of the other guys to their room for a little party. It was fun and I met a lot of cool people. Adam was watching something on his laptop with earphones so I turned on my TV softly and started watching some game show. At midnight I pulled out my cell phone and dialed my mom’s phone number. After a few rings she answered.

_“Hello?”_

_“Hi mom.”_

_“You got there ok?”_

_“Yes I’m fine. Sorry that I didn’t call yesterday. It was too late by the time I was done setting up. It’s beautiful here mom. I’ll have to take pictures.”_

_“I’m glad you like it Sauli. You deserve this … you’ve worked so hard. Do you have a roommate?”_

_“Yes.”_

_“Is he nice?”_

_“Yeah.”_

_“I’m glad.”_

_“Well I just wanted to let you know I got here safe. I have a class at 8am.”_

_“It’s … midnight there right?”_

_“Yeah we’re 7 hours behind you. I love you. Tell everyone I miss and love them.”_

_“I will … I love you too my beautiful boy.”_

I hung up the phone and curled up under the covers and fell fast asleep. In the morning I woke up and realized that Adam had already left. I quickly jumped in the shower and left the building at 7:35am. I took the direct path to my algebra class and walked in. I scanned the room looking to see if any of the people I had met yesterday were in class with me but I didn’t see any of them. Then I noticed that Adam was sitting in the last row absent mindedly writing on a piece of paper. I looked at the seating chart and noticed that my assigned seat was next to his.

“I guess you can’t get rid of me huh?” I teased sliding into the curved wooden opening of the desk.

He looked up and gave me a half smile before returning his attention to the piece of paper. I glanced down and realized he was writing some kind of poem … or were they song lyrics? The lesson started and Adam still continued working on his writing. The teacher had written math equations on the board and had been asking people to come up and solve them. She noticed that Adam wasn’t paying attention and called out to him.

“Adam since you obviously are working so hard at these equations on your paper back there you can come up and solve this one.”

She said it with an air of sarcasm and Adam very quietly stood up and walked over to the board. A minute later he was finished and took one look at the teacher before retreating to his desk. It was obvious he knew what the hell he was doing … and he sure shut her up quickly. The class ended and I had an hour break before my next class. Adam was grabbing his things and I gently grabbed his arm to get his attention. He winced and pulled away. I looked at him worried.

“Adam … are you ok?”

“Yes I’m fine … just don’t touch me!!” He barked at me storming off before I could say anything else.

The rest of the day he wasn’t in any of my classes. When I returned to our room I brought us both dinners as a bit of a peace offering. I walked in and saw Adam sitting on his bed. He looked up as I entered and just stared at me with his sad eyes.

“I’m sorry about earlier … I picked up some dinner. If you’re hungry there’s enough here for you too.” I held the container in front of me as a peace offering and he slowly walked over gently retrieving it before retreating to his bed.

“How much do I owe you?” His eyes were wide with sadness and it broke my heart. He looked so lost and broken.

“Nothing, don’t worry about it.”

“Thanks …”

He eagerly gobbled the food down and I could tell he was starving. I was so worried about him, the way he was acting scared me. But in his state if I confronted him I knew he would only withdraw that much further. I would take my time and slowly try to gain his trust. Everyday for the next 2 months I brought him dinner on the way back from my classes. He still didn’t talk to me much, just a few sentences here or there, but he didn’t act as scared or skittish around me anymore. In fact he would even eat at our little kitchen table with me. It was a sunny Friday in November when my second class of the day was cancelled. I decided to go for a walk around campus since it wasn’t super cold. I walked along a back path and after walking for a bit I could hear a commotion coming from further up the trail. It sounded like someone was in distress so I quickened my pace and saw a group of kids, some of who I recognized from the party the first night, beating the crap out of someone. The person was crying out from pain so I ran toward them. They heard someone approach so with one last kick in the gut the crowd dispersed. As I got closer I could finally see that the person they were beating up was Adam. He just looked at me crying out with every breath. I was afraid to leave him in case they came back while I was gone.

“Do you think you can walk if I help you?”

He nodded and I gently helped him stand. As he put weight down on his right ankle he yelped out in pain.

“What’s wrong?!?”

“My ankle … I tripped … trying to run from … them.”

“I’ll get you to the clinic ok?”

“No! No clinic … just get me back to our room.”

I got on his right side and using me as a crutch I was able to help him walk the mile to the dormitory. I helped him onto his bed and propped pillows. I got him ice for his foot and then grabbed my wallet.

“I’m going to go get some medicine from the store for you. Will you be ok?”

He nodded and I took a few steps toward the door before he called out to me.

“Sauli …” My ears perked up at the sound of him saying my name. It was the first time he had and it sounded so beautiful coming out of those lips.

I turned toward him giving him my full attention. “Yeah?”

“Thank … you.”

I looked at him and gave him a small smile before heading out to walk the 2 miles to the store. I loved being at the boarding school because you could come and go in the surrounding area as you pleased. If you didn’t feel like going to classes you didn’t have to. You just had to make up your work on your own time. About an hour later I returned and saw the Adam had fallen asleep. When the door shut he opened his eyes. I filled a glass with water from the fridge and walked over handing him 2 pills and the glass.

“Here take these, they’ll help with the pain. I got some Ace bandage for your foot. Want me to wrap it for you so you don’t have to extend?”

“Yes …” I could tell he didn’t really want to accept my help but he knew that he needed to whether he liked it or not.

I as gently as possible wrapped his foot replacing the ice on it once it was wrapped. I noticed that his shirt was bloody and gave him a concerned look.

“Adam … can I see your chest. I need to see how bad it is. Please I’m worried …” He hesitantly let me lift his shirt and there was a small gash in his side that I could tell probably needed stitches. At least it wasn’t still bleeding, that was a good thing. “You have to go to the clinic … please. You have a gash I think you’re going to need stitches.”

“And what do I tell them happened? They won’t believe me.” As I looked into his eyes I could see how broken and scared he was. He didn’t deserve to feel that way EVER.

“I’ll stick up for you, I saw them. I’ll make them believe.”

He shook his head nervously clenching up every muscle in his body. “They can’t see … they just can’t.”

“See what? The gash … the bruises?” He shook his head and slowly moved up his left sleeve. Jagged scars covered his flesh, some old, some more recent, but no fresh ones. They were just a small glimpse of how broken he was. I gently went to trace my fingers over the scars but he pulled away. “I can stitch you up … I know how to sew. It’ll hurt like hell though.”

“I can take … the pain.” He looked at me his eyes begging for help and I knew I had to do this for him. He was depending on me.  

Luckily I had picked up alcohol at the store and I put some in a small bowl to soak the thread. I soaked a rag and applied it to the wound and he yelped out in pain.

“I’m sorry …” I jerked backward not wanting to hurt him and after a moment to catch his breath he gently touched my arm.

“No it’s ok … just do it.”

I sanitized the needle and threaded it up. I gave him a clean rag to bite on and I carefully stitched the wound shut. I helped him get comfortable and brought over a sub I had picked up from the little shop next to the grocery store. After cutting it in half I handed him his which he immediately brought to his mouth. He didn’t say anything the rest of the night. It seems that he had withdrawn into himself again. I didn’t want him to be broken … I wanted to fix him.


	4. I Don't Care About You

** Adam **

I woke up and noticed that it was already 1pm. I noticed there was a glass of water next to the bed with 2 pills and a note.

_Adam,_

_I told the office that you injured your foot so that I would be able to pick your work up for you. I’ll be back around 2:30pm or so. They gave me crutches for you to use. I put them against the wall by your bed._

_Sauli_

I put the note back and grabbed the crutches using them to head into the bedroom. I got washed up and looked at my wound in the mirror. Sauli had done a good job with it. I really wanted to open up to him but I was so scared. What if he would reject me when I told him I was gay … like everyone else had? I hadn’t cut lately because of him. It was about 2:30pm when my cell phone rang. I looked at it and saw that it was my home phone calling.

_“Hello?”_

_“Why the fuck did you have the school call to tell me you hurt your ankle? Why would I give two shits?”_

_“I didn’t ask them to call you. It must be policy.”_

_“Well tell them not to bother. I don’t care about you.”_ Tears built up in my eyes. You would think by now with the HUNDREDS of times she’s said this it wouldn’t hurt anymore. But it still did every time at deep and biting as the first.

_“Why can’t you accept me!?! There is so much more to me than who I choose to sleep with!!!”_

_“No you’re just a disgusting faggot!!!”_

_“Oh so original mother nobody’s called me a faggot before. So what that I’m gay I’m 100x better than you’ll ever be!!  Fuck you I hate you!!!”_

I slammed my phone down and I just sat on the edge of the bed and cried. I was so upset that it didn’t even register that Sauli was in the room and had heard everything. He walked over and gently put his hand on my shoulder. I looked up scared that he was going to hurt me like everyone else had but instead he tenderly wiped away the tears flowing down my cheeks.

“You heard …. everything?” He nodded gently patting my arm. Why was he still here? Why wasn’t he leaving like everyone else?

“Do you have anyone Adam?” I shook my head no and putting it back down again out of shame and disappointment. He slowly sat down next to me testing the waters but I allowed it as he gently rubbed my back trying to calm me. “You have me. I’m here and I’m not going anywhere.”

I looked at him but didn’t say anything. I was shocked truth be told … nobody had accepted me like Sauli just had. He gently put his arm around me and I found myself putting my head on his shoulder.

“Adam, what are you doing for the holidays?”

I looked down at my hands which I had clenched on my lap. “Staying here … they have some extracurricular classes they’re throwing for those who are stuck here.”

“You could come to Finland with me if you would like. My family would LOVE having you there.”

“I can’t … I don’t have money for a plane ticket.” That would be the last thing I needed to ask my mom for. Hey mom can I have money for a plane ticket to go stay with my roommates’ family in Finland who I think is hot?

“My mom will get you one not to worry. We have lots of frequent flier miles from my dad’s company. I don’t want you to be here, I want you to be safe.”

“Are you … sure?” This could NOT be happening. A way for me to get away for the holiday and be with people that actually cared?!?

“Positive. I’ll call her quick and have her buy a ticket. We’d leave next Thursday, your last final is Wednesday correct?”

“Yes …”

Sauli reassuringly rubbed my shoulder before getting up and grabbing his phone. He walked into the bathroom and I could hear him talking on the phone. A few minutes later he walked back in the room and smiled at me.

“Alright my mom just booked you a ticket.”

“Ok … thanks Sauli.” I nervously shifted my feet and he walked over and stopped right in front of me.

“Can I see your side.” I nodded hesitantly and he lifted up my shirt gently running his fingers over my skin. “No pain? No bleeding?”

“Little pain but no bleeding.”

I quickly grabbed my shirt pulling it back down. I felt uncomfortable with his hand there. It felt too intimate, and as nice as it felt it scared the living daylights out of me. He just smiled at me and retreated to his bed sitting with his legs over the edge swinging them. He was excitedly telling me about all the things he wanted me to see in Finland but truth be told I was so nervous that I had agreed to it that most everything was going in one ear and out the other. 


	5. I Can't Believe I'm Here

** Sauli **

Our flight had just landed in Helsinki and I looked around for my mom. Adam had been super quiet the whole flight there. I was hoping that he hadn’t closed himself back up completely. My mom noticed us and started waving excitedly. We both walked over and she gave me a huge hug.

“It’s so good to see your Sauli. It’s hard to not have you here. You must be Adam it’s so nice to meet you.” She walked over and held her arms out for a hug. Adam paused a moment but then gave her a hesitant hug. He put his head down and wrung his hands in nervousness.

“Thanks for the … plane ticket.” He mumbled shyly … he was so nervous I could see it on his face.

“You are so welcome sweetheart. You’re going to have a great month here with us. Come on let’s get back to the house.” My mom took the lead and I hung back walking alongside Adam. We got back to the house and carried our luggage inside. “I set up an air mattress for you in Sauli’s room Adam. I figured that would be more comfortable than the couch. I hope that’s ok with you?”

“That’s fine thank you.”

“I’ll show you where my room is Adam.”

He slowly followed behind me as I walked up the winding staircase and into the 2nd room on the right. I put my luggage on my queen size bed and we both started unpacking all the stuff. Adam finished and just stood at the bay window staring out at the snowy street below. I walked over to him and gently put my hand on his shoulder. Surprisingly he didn’t try to shrug my hand away.

“Adam … everything ok?”

“Yeah … just can’t believe I’m here.” His hand rested against the window pane his fingers leaving little prints on the frigid glass.

“Think you make the wrong choice to come?”

His hand clenched together leaving a streak on the glass. “No … I just … I don’t know.”

“You can talk to me about anything you know? That’s what I’m here for …”

He just took one look at me and then slowly sat down on the air mattress.

“I’m going to take a nap I’m dead tired.”

“We’re eating in 2 hours. Want me to wake you up?”

“Yes … please.”

With one last look at him I walked back downstairs and into the kitchen to see if my mom needed help. She was standing at the stove and looked over at me as I entered the room.

“He’s awful shy.”

“He’s been so hurt … I just wish he would open up to me. He’s so broken and it breaks my heart.”

“Is he gay?” She questioned as she stirred a pot that was cooking on the stove. Damn it smelled good.

“Yeah but don’t let him know I told you. I walked in the room while he was having a conversation with his mom and he was telling her off. She doesn’t accept him … wants nothing to do with him. He has nobody.”

“Does he know you are?”

“No … I wanted to wait until he opens up more. I didn’t want to make him withdraw more. I really like him mom.”

“I can tell … you let me know if I can help anyway ok? You go back upstairs with him. He needs you close right now.”

I nodded and slowly walked upstairs. As I walked in the room I saw that Adam was sitting on the air mattress with tears running down his face. He quickly tried to wipe them away as I entered but I walked over to him.

“What’s wrong?!?”

“You’re both so nice to me … I don’t deserve it.” He sobbed his tears falling wet and heavy his voice a choked gravel.

“Why?”

“Because I’m gay. I don’t deserve your mom being that nice to me. I don’t deserve ANY OF THIS!”

I knelt down in front of him and he nervously crossed his arms tightly across his body.  Gently but forcefully I grabbed his arms returning them to his sides as I stared in his eyes. I gently caressed his cheek with my thumb wiping away the tears still present.

“I want to tell you something … if you want me to that is.” His head was hanging a bit but he raised it looking me in the eyes. “You don’t have to worry about being accepted. I’m gay too.”

He didn’t say anything but he also didn’t remove my hand from his face. We stayed in that position for a few minutes but then he slowly moved my hand away holding it in his. He gave me a small smile which made me smile in return. I went to lean in to kiss him when the door swung open and my mom walked in. Adam quickly dropped my hand and moved backwards.

“Sauli I was just wondering if … oh I’m sorry I’ll leave.” She took a few steps backward until I spoke up.

“No mom it’s ok … what did you need?”

“I was wondering if the both of you were going to the sauna or not. I was going to put clean towels out there.”

I turned my attention to Adam who had his arms clenched together anxiety washed over his face. “Do you want to Adam?”

“Umm … sure.”

The little bit of confidence he had shown me had disappeared and he had closed himself back up again. He had been retaliated against so much for being gay he was so afraid … so jumpy. I stood up and Adam followed me. My mom handed us fresh towels and we walked into the back yard. I led Adam to the changing room at the front of the sauna and looked at him.

“Have you ever been in a sauna before.”

“No … first time.”

“Well … we don’t wear clothes in them we just wrap a towel around our waists. I mean if you’re uncomfortable I guess we could make an exception.” A look of nerves crossed his face but he nodded and walked into one of the changing stalls. I quickly stripped and wrapped the fluffy white towel around my waist and stood waiting for Adam. A few minutes later he walked out tensed up beyond belief. “Are you sure you’re ok with this?”

He hesitantly nodded and I lit the stove to start warming up the sauna. I gestured toward the wooden bench against the wall and Adam slowly sat down on it. I discreetly locked the sauna door and added some water to the rock pile. I sat down next to Adam and he was so tensed up it hurt to look at him. I decided to make a ballsy move and slid up against him and started massaging his shoulders. Surprisingly he didn’t push me away instead he started relaxing his torso. I gently took his arm in my hands staring at the scars. He looked me with eyes full of fear.

“It’s ok … I won’t hurt you. I’d never hurt you.” Tenderly I traced his scars with feather light touches. Tears made their way down his cheeks and I gently made shh noises as I ran my fingers thru his thick locks with my free hand. “Never do this again ok? You’re too special to me.”

I gently lifted his arm to my face and placed soft kisses on the scars. When I stopped I noticed that instead of having his usual broken eye contact, his eyes were laser focused on my face. I leaned in and our lips met. He carefully pulled me onto his lap and continued kissing me. God it felt AMAZING. After a few minutes there was knocking at the sauna door followed by the door jiggling. Adam jumped and nearly threw me off his lap.

“It’s ok … it’s ok, the door is locked.”

He buried his head back down again and I turned and let out a quiet sigh. I walked over and saw that it was my twin Sara. I smiled and wrapped my arms around her hugging her tightly.

“It’s so good to see you. I missed you so much!”

“You too baby brother. Mom said you brought a friend here with you. Where is he?” She tried to peer over my shoulder into the sauna to say hello but I blocked her stepping out a bit further.

“He’s in here. We’ll be out in 15 minutes or so then we’ll head back to the house ok?”

“Ok.”

She gave me a kiss on the cheek and started walking toward the house. I walked back in the sauna and locked the door. Adam was standing behind me when I turned around his arms clenched across his chest.

“I want to go get dressed …”

“Adam … it’s ok.”

As I tried to put my hand on his face he brushed it away. A tear ran down my face and he noticed. He opened his mouth as if to say something but then slowly walked past me into the changing area. I turned off the stove and followed behind him. I too got dressed and when I emerged from the changing room Adam was standing there waiting for me. Out of frustration I had started crying a bit so I was wiping my eyes. He noticed and although he didn’t say anything he reassuringly rubbed my forearm as if to say sorry. Together we walked back to the house and Sara was waiting for us as we walked in the front door. She ran over with a huge smile on her face.

“You must be Adam. Hi I’m Sara … Sauli’s twin.”

“Nice to … meet you.”

I could tell that Sara wanted to hug him but could sense his nervousness. We both went to walk upstairs when my mom stopped us.

“Dinner is ready boys.”

All of us walked into the kitchen and sat down. My dad wasn’t home yet, he owned his own construction company and was always home late. That is if he wasn’t out of town which he usually was at least 2 weeks a month. It was already 10pm by the time we were done with dessert and the both of us were super exhausted. We headed up to my bedroom and we both got changed and ready for bed. Adam curled up on the air mattress and laid down. I curled up in my bed and glanced down at him.

“Goodnight Adam.”

“Goodnight …”

I pulled the blankets up to my neck but I just couldn’t sleep. About 2 hours later I got up to go to the bathroom and noticed that Adam was shivering on the floor. I got an extra blanket from the hall closet and walked into the room gently covering his freezing body with it. He turned toward me and just looked in my eyes.

“That better?”

“A little …” He whispered his voice shaking a bit from the cold.

“You could come up here if you want? There’s plenty of room in the bed … and it’s a lot warmer.”

“No … that’s ok.” I walked back over and curled up under the covers. They was no way I could sleep I kept tossing and turning. About an hour later I felt the bed covers pull back a little and looked up to see Adam standing there. “Does the invitation … still stand?”

“Of course it does.” He slowly got in bed and I pushed some of the covers over toward his side so he had more. He laid down on the pillows and a few minutes later I felt his lips on my cheek. I turned toward him and gave him a smile. “What was that for?”

“I’m sorry … about earlier.” He murmured embarrassed over his reaction.

“You don’t have to be afraid Adam … you really don’t. I won’t let anyone hurt you I promise.

I leaned over and surprisingly he pulled me on top of him fiercely kissing me. I opened my mouth allowing his tongue access and he groaned in surprise. It started getting a little hot and heavy so he gently pulled away with a love drunk smile.

“I could kiss you forever …”

“Me too … can I stay here? You’re so comfy … and we can keep each other warm.”

“Your mom … won’t mind?”

“No she won’t care.”

I shook my head no and pulled the blankets up to cover us both snuggling close on his chest. After a few minutes I could feel him gently running his fingers thru my hair and it put me to sleep in no time flat.


	6. So Peaceful ... So Innocent

** Adam **

I woke up in the morning with Sauli sleeping sweetly on my chest and I couldn’t help but smile. He looked so peaceful … so innocent. There was a light knock on the door and I couldn’t help but tense up when Sauli’s mom walked in.

“Oh … Sauli’s still sleeping?” It was hard to judge what she was thinking by the look on her face. I didn’t want her to be mad and send me back to Pennsylvania … not now.

“Yeah.” I whispered conscious of not wanting to wake the sleeping angel on my chest.

“Well when he wakes up there’s breakfast downstairs ok?”

She gave me a small smile and walked out of the room closing the door behind her. As soon as she did I could feel Sauli moving on top of me. I reached up to caress his cheek and he looked up into my eyes with a sleepy smile on his face.

“Good morning. Who came in here?” His voice was quiet and still tinged with sleep as he let out a loud yawn.

“Your mom. She wanted to let us know that breakfast is ready.”

“Mmm, well … we don’t have to go downstairs right away if you don’t want to.”

He smirked at me and I blushed in shyness as he playfully nibbled at my neck. I kissed him for a few minutes and then he stood up pulling me out of bed after him. He smiled and wrapped his arms around me.

“I really like you Adam.”

“I really like you too Sauli …”

He gently hooked our hands together and we walked downstairs. The only person there was his mom seeing as Sara was already in school for the day. Sauli’s mom looked at us and smiled.

“Good morning. Did you both sleep well?”

“Kind of it was a little chilly.” Sauli responded grabbing two cups and filling them with orange juice.

“Is that why you were in bed together?”

“Yeah … Adam was freezing.”

I hesitantly sat on one of the barstools nervously drumming my fingers on the tabletop. While his mom went to dish out plates for us, Sauli walked behind me and wrapped his arms around me. After we ate and got showers he wanted to take me sightseeing. I really wanted to see his homeland so it definitely didn’t take long for me to agree. I even found myself holding hands with him. He was slowly breaking down my defenses and suddenly I wasn’t as afraid anymore. He made me want to be myself and say screw everyone else. He made me feel so special … like I was the only other person in the world. I was absentmindedly staring off in space when I heard Sauli giggling at me.

“Wha … were you saying something?”

“Yes! Did you want to go ice skating with me? There is this HUGE skating rink in Helsinki … it’s beautiful.” His face was glowing and his voice was so warm and sunny.

“I’ve never been …”

“Want a little more adventure?” He teased squeezing my hand and swinging it.

“With you everything is an adventure Sauli …”

I smiled at him and pulled him close. We caught the train to Helsinki and an hour later we were walking toward the ice park. He paid for the both of us and we got our skates. I was happily surprised that I was able to stand in them without feeling totally wobbly. He took me out on the ice and after skating a few feet I fell flat on my ass with him a giggly mess on top of me.

“Oww …”

“Come on you’ll get the hang of it … promise.”

He stood up and helped me to my feet. Sure enough within 30 minutes I was slowly making my way around the rink without falling. We had our arms linked and were laughing and enjoying spending time together. It was really special. We saw someone skating toward us and Sauli immediately got a huge smile on his face and gently let go of my arm since I was now stable on my feet. He traveled a few feet away and greeted the girl with a huge hug.

“Katri!!”

“I thought that was you Sauli. It’s soo good to see you!!! I thought you left for school in America?”

“I did … we’re on winter break till after New Year’s.”

“Really?! We’ll have to hang out before then.”

“I want you to meet someone.” The two of them skated toward me and I tried to steady my nerves. “Katri this is Adam … Adam this is Katri. He goes to school with me I brought him home for the holidays.”

“Are the two of you … together?”

She got a suspicious smirk on her face and Sauli hesitated not sure of how to answer. I could tell he didn’t want to say the wrong thing and make me withdraw again. I nodded and reached out pulling Sauli in close with my arm, giving him a kiss. Sauli gave me THE most precious smile ever and Katri came over and threw her arms around the both of us.


	7. I Feel So Safe

** Sauli **

We had spent the rest of the day hanging out with Katri and Adam was full of life and smiles. It was amazing to see … amazing to know that he wanted us to be a couple. That he ADMITTED we were a couple. It was getting late so we took the train back to Hyvinkaa. When we got to the house my dad was home and sitting on the front porch. He saw us walking up the road and gave us a smile. I ran over and got a hug from him.

“Hi dad!”

“It’s good to see you Sauli. This must be Adam right?” His voice was booming and cheery, it echoing in the wind.

“Yes sir.”

My dad extended his hand in greeting and Adam shook it with a smile. We walked inside and my mom was sitting on the couch with a wrapped box.

“Oh boys I’m glad you’re home. Adam this is for you.”

“For me?” He was shocked … it was obvious his mother hadn’t given him a gift in a long time.

My mom handed him the box and he opened it up. Inside was a thick wool coat and a matching scarf. Adam just looked at her practically with tears in his eyes and gave her a hug. He had a winter jacket but it was pretty thin and would DEFINITELY not be good for winter here.

“Try it on quick … I want to make sure it fits ok.”

Adam slid off his jacket and put on the thick coat. It was a perfect fit. He turned toward me and posed exaggeratedly making me giggle.

“What do you think Sauli?”

“Handsome …”

He smiled and walked over giving me a hug. My mom smiled a bit and Adam pulled away and hung up his jacket in the hall closet.

“Sauli would you mind helping me finish dinner? Adam you can go relax until we’re done.”

“No it’s ok I can help too I don’t mind.” He was so eager to help out and be involved. It was like someone flipped a switch in his brain and he finally realized that it was ok to be who he was meant to be. That nothing would happen to him here … that this was his safe place.

“No that’s ok you’re our guest. Go upstairs and just relax sweetheart.”

He finally gave up trying to help and made his way upstairs. I followed my mom into the kitchen and realized that everything was already made and in the oven finishing. She sat at the kitchen table and gestured to the bar stool next to her. I gave her a confused look and sat down.

“I want to talk to you about Adam. Are you two dating now?”

“Yeah.”

“Have you had sex?” I stiffened up as the words escaped her mouth shaking my head vigorously.

“What? No … we’ve only kissed.” I sputtered out flustered. I was NOT having a sex talk with my mother in our kitchen.

“I just want you to be safe ok? I got kind of worried when I walked in your room this morning and saw you sleeping on him. If you have sex with him I want you boys to use these.” She reached into a bag that was on the table and handed me a box of condoms. I turned beat red … this was so embarrassing. She gently grabbed my arm and smiled. “He seems like a very sweet boy. I’m glad you found someone Sauli.”

“Thanks mom. Is it ok if I go upstairs now?”

“Go on …” She chuckled gently patting my arm as I headed upstairs the box of condoms clutched in my right hand. I tried to hide them from Adam as I walked in my room but he saw them anyway raising his eyebrows in confusion.

“My mom … don’t ask.” I muttered tossing them on the nightstand.

“So she bought us condoms?”

“Yeah. She wants us to be safe if and when we have … sex.” I replied shyly suddenly closing up like a clam at the thought of talking about sex with him. Adam was sitting on the edge of the bed and he nervously shifted his foot. I walked over and sat on his lap facing him. “Don’t worry … she just got the wrong impression this morning, thought that we did already.”

He relaxed and I buried my head in his neck and started kissing at it. He sighed and arched his neck backward giving me better access. I stopped and just snuggled up against him.

“Can you just stay here forever? I feel so safe.” He sighed lazily resting his head on my shoulder.

“That makes two of us.”


	8. I Want To ... Tonight

** Adam **

It was 2 days before Christmas and I sat in the bedroom wrapping all the presents I had gotten for Sauli and his family. We had done some work for his dad’s construction company so I had a decent amount of money to my name … did anyway. I had spent all other than $25 of it on the gifts. The door jiggled and I heard Sauli’s playful sigh.

“Adammm are you done in there yet.” He whined playfully annoyed with how long I was taking.

“Almost … just give me a minute hold your horses.”

I finished securing the paper on the last box and then walked over to unlock the door. Sauli wasn’t there anymore so I walked down the hallway looking for him.

“Sauli where are you?”

“Kitchen.”  

I walked downstairs and could smell something amazing coming from the kitchen. Sauli was standing at the stove cooking dinner so I walked up behind him and wrapped my arms around his waist. He leaned back smiling and stole a kiss.

“Dinner is almost done. My mom and Sara went out of town overnight to some play so we have the house to ourselves.”

“Really?” I mused my mind going in 50 different directions of what we could do. Some more tame than others.

“Umm hum.” I kissed at his neck as he groaned in enjoyment. I slid my hands in the pockets on his ass and rubbed it. Over the past few weeks we had fooled around a little but always with our clothes on. He sighed and nearly fell over.

“Careful baby.”

“You’re going to make me burn the food.” He scolded wagging his finger at me.

I slid my hands out of the pockets and smirked at him before walking over and sitting on one of the bar stools. About 5 minutes later he carried over a plate of chicken and risotto. I eagerly gobbled it down … it was so delicious. After Sauli finished we decided to go out to the sauna for a little while. We stripped down in our individual stalls and wrapped the towels around ourselves. I walked out and Sauli had lit the stove already. I walked over and he curled up against me and started kissing me. God it felt amazing. I started running my hands down his chest massaging every last muscle placing kisses on his oversensitive flesh. He was moaning and he grabbed my hair not hard enough to hurt just to stop me from moving. Suddenly he moved his hands down to the towel on my waist sliding his hands down the back to cup at my ass cheeks.

“Ughh Sauli …” I moaned as his fingertips dragged across the bare skin.

“I want to … tonight.” He groaned breathy sighs into my ear.  

I looked into his eyes and saw the amount of love he felt toward me in them. I wanted him just as much.

“Here?”

“Too hot, how about … my room?”

I nodded and he quickly turned off the stove and we grabbed our clothes before running in the house not bothering to dress. We headed into the bedroom and Sauli went to retrieve the box of condoms from the bathroom. I laid down on the bed undoing the towel from behind me and laying it on top of my waist. Sauli walked in the room completely naked … god he was sexy. I opened up my arms urging him to come over. He sauntered over and stopped at the side of the bed looking at me disapprovingly.

“What?”

“This needs to come off.” He huffed gesturing to the towel in annoyance as I smirked at him.

“Well then take it off me.”

He slid the towel off and he stared at me. I got a little nervous with his eyes on me so intimately but I just took a deep breath and it seemed to calm me enough to not freak out.

“So handsome baby, so very handsome …”

He slid a finger down my growing cock and I shuddered with pleasure. He started kissing my lips and slowly moved down my chest to my stomach. When he got to my belly button I let out a moan … it felt like my nerve endings were on fire.

“Sauli god!”

He smirked at me and inserted a finger in my hole stretching me slightly. He slowly inserted 2 then 3 fingers as I moaned beneath him. After he stretched me for a while he removed his fingers and slowly rolled on a condom.

“I’m not forcing you … am I?” He questioned his eyes kind and caring really not wanting me to do anything I wasn’t ready for.

“No … not at all.”

Sauli crawled up my chest tenderly placing his lips to mine before moving down and slowly inserting himself inside of me. I whimpered in pain and pleasure and soon he sunk in all the way as I gasped.

“You ok?”

I nodded and pulled him down to kiss him our tongues battling for domination. While our tongues were intertwined he pulled out and slammed back into me causing me to moan into his mouth. He pulled away and started rhythmically thrusting to the point I couldn’t stop the noises escaping from my mouth. A little while later he yelled out and came hard his body shaking with the orgasm. After pausing for a moment to collect himself and remove the condom, he leaned down and took me in his mouth to finish me off. I came hard down his throat and I felt like I couldn’t move … the feeling was fantastic. Sauli grabbed the blankets and pulled them up as he laid down on my chest. I wrapped my arms around him snuggling him close.

“That was … amazing. How did I get lucky enough to have you? I love you Sauli.”

“I love you too Adam.”

We both stayed quiet for a while but I knew I had to talk to Sauli about something.

“You awake?”

“Yeah …” He whispered half asleep.

“Can I talk to you for a minute?”

“Of course you can. You can talk to me about anything you know that.”

“I’m scared Sauli …”

“You don’t have to be scared to talk to me Adam … you know that.” He rubbed my cheek and frowned seeing me all upset.

“No, I’m not scared about talking to you. I’m scared about going back. I don’t want to lose us … I don’t want to lose what we have.” Sauli kissed my lips lightly running his fingers thru my hair.

“I’ll keep you safe … nothing will happen to you. I promise.”

“Me? I’m worried about you … I don’t want them to hurt you. You mean the world to me and if something would happen to you I would never be able to forgive myself. If they came at me again I would fight … I could fight. I was broken before, I didn’t care if they hurt me. Now I have something to live for … some ONE to live for.”

“Everything will be ok Addy … I don’t want you to worry. I’m here and I’m not going anywhere.” He rubbed my face reassuringly and with one last kiss curled back up on my chest and fell fast asleep. His soft snores were like a lullaby and I ended up falling asleep not too long after.


	9. You're Too Young

** Sauli **

I woke up to a noise coming from downstairs. It couldn’t be my mom it was only 10:15am … she wasn’t due home till around 3pm. I craned my neck for a minute listening and I heard my older sister Saana’s voice.

“Sauli are you home?!?”

I heard footsteps getting closer and I realized that the both of us were still naked. I quickly slid on my sweats as I shook Adam and he sleepily opened his eyes.

“Shh quickly my sisters got here early quick slide your sweats on.”

I tossed him his sweats and he quickly grabbed his long sleeved shirt. He had gotten comfortable with me seeing his cutting scars but not anyone else. I grabbed a shirt too and had just slid it on when the door bust open. There stood Saana and Salla with surprised faces.

“Oh sorry I didn’t know you had company.” Salla looked at me with huge eyes seeing us in the bedroom together.

“It’s ok ... this is my boyfriend Adam. Adam this is Saana and Salla my eldest sisters.”

Saana extended her hand in greeting clasping Adam’s strongly. “It’s nice to meet you Adam. Where did you two meet?”

“School, he’s been staying here for the holiday break.” I could tell that Adam was too nervous to talk right now. He had gotten really good at hiding it but at this point I could read him like a book.

“I’m glad you’ve found someone. It’s been a …” Salla abruptly trailed off her gaze drifting toward the bedside table. I stood confused as to why she stopped but I noticed where it landed … the open box of condoms.

“Sauli you didn’t!?! You’re too young; I can’t believe you would do this, that you both would do this! Look at him Sauli, all he’s going to do is hurt you like the last one did. When will you learn?!? You have to think with your brain and not what’s in your pants!”

She shook her head and walked out of the room with Saana on her heels. She was my eldest sister and was so protective over me, but she had taken it to a new extreme that was a low blow. Poor Adam was sitting on the edge of the bed his arms clasped tightly across his chest. He hadn’t done that for weeks. I walked over and gently tugged at his arms but he wouldn’t move them.

“Adam … it’s ok.” My words were meant to reassure him but even with all my tugging he wouldn’t free his arms … not even for me.

“I shouldn’t be here … I’m sorry.” I could see the light drain from his eyes as he spoke, he was shutting down again right in front of me and I couldn’t stop it.

“No don’t do that again. Don’t close back up for me … please.” I lifted up his face and saw tears streaming down his cheeks.

“It’s true … I’ll just end up hurting you. You deserve better than this … better than me.”

“I don’t want anyone else Adam, I want you. You’re breaking my heart …” He looked at me for a moment but ignored me going over and sitting on the window seat. He curled up drawing his knees to his chest his head leaned against the glass.  

“Addy …” It was useless he wouldn’t even acknowledge me. The tears came fast and heavy as I left the room and flew down the stairs.

Saana and Salla were both sitting on the couch talking as I entered the room. I completely ignored them being there and grabbed my coat from the closet putting it on.

Saana looked at me almost empathetically but Salla was completely ignoring me. “Sauli where are you going?”

“Out. I’d like to thank you Salla for ruining everything. Thank you so very much!”

The front door slammed behind me and I walked around back sitting on the bench swing under the shed awning. We kept a blanket in the heated shed so I pulled it out wrapping it tightly around me. I was within view of the window from my bedroom and I could see Adam looking at me. Tears were streaming down my face and I kept reaching up to try to wipe them away. After a while I stopped paying attention to the window and a few minutes later the backdoor swung open. I heard footsteps coming toward me and looked up to see Adam in his lightweight hoodie and sweats. My first thought was to warm him up … it was way too cold to just be wearing that. I gently pulled the blanket forward as an invitation for him to sit and after hesitating a moment he took me up on the offer. Tears were still making their way down my face and after he sat he gently lifted me up cradling me in his arms. He gently rubbed my back trying to get me to calm down.

“Please don’t cry … you break my heart when you cry.” His voice was all choked up even though he wasn’t crying  … at least not right this moment.

“I don’t want to lose you, please don’t pull away from me. You mean everything to me Addy.” I pleaded holding him a bit tighter. He kissed my forehead smoothing my hair which was in 50 different directions.

“I know … I’m sorry. I just wish your sister liked me. I know I look like a badass but I try to be kind really I do.”

“You are the sweetest guy in the world angel. Don’t let her make you think otherwise ok? I love you for you … you’re perfect ok?”

“I love you too.”

We just sat out there for an hour in silence and I could see my mom pull into the driveway. I saw Sara and her walk inside and a few minutes later I heard a bit of a commotion inside and she came back out. She walked toward the back of the house and when she saw us her look softened. She walked over and put her arms around the both of us seeing as though I was still curled on Adam’s lap.

“Are you both ok?”

“Yeah mom …”

“I think so …”

“I told her that I bought them for you. That I knew that it would happen when you both were ready. That’s none of her business to judge. You know she’s just being protective over you Sauli … you’re still her baby brother.”

“I know … but she didn’t have to say what she did.”

My mom could tell that Adam was a bit withdrawn and she gently patted his shoulder.

“Don’t let her get to you sweetheart. You are such a kind loving soul … I’m so glad to add someone as special as you to the family.” Adam reached out and grabbed her hand squeezing it finally accepting that she truly felt that way about him. “Will you both come inside? Dad will be home very soon and dinner is in the oven. We’ll have to open presents in a bit.”

“We’ll be inside in a few, ok?”

My mom nodded before leaving and I snuggled up closer to Adam giving him a kiss.

“You ok now Addy?”

“A bit better … come on lets go inside I want to hand out my presents.” I went to get up and my foot slid off the deck and I landed wrong on my ankle. I yelped and Adam knelt down examining it. “You ok? Can you move it?”

“Yes … but it hurts to put pressure on it.” I whined as I tried to step down on it again.

“I got you babe.” He carefully picked me up and carried me in the front door as I winced. He tenderly placed me on the empty couch and started examining my ankle. “It doesn’t seem like it’s broken. Try to move it for me.”

I did and I was able to even though it hurt. My mom and sisters heard the commotion from the kitchen and hurried in.

“What happened?!?” My mom rushed over to my side leaning down to look at my foot.

“He slid off the deck and landed wrong on his ankle. Do you have ACE bandage or something to wrap it? He can move it, it doesn’t seem like it’s broken.”

“I think so.”

She ran into the bathroom closet to look while my sisters just stared at us. My mom returned and Adam carefully wrapped up my ankle and put ice on it. Then he sat next to me and just rubbed my back.

“You ok Sauli?”

“It feels a bit better … thanks Addy.”

Salla glanced at me watching me with curious eyes. She walked over and stopped in front of us. “I’m sorry for earlier … Adam right?”

“Yes … it’s ok I know you’re just protecting your brother. I won’t hurt him … he means EVERYTHING to me.”

She leaned down and gave Adam a hug finally realizing that his appearance didn’t mirror his true self. He was a total softie. She gave me a small smile as if to say sorry then the 3 of them walked back in the kitchen to help prepare dinner. Adam gently started rubbing my calf and gently moved down to the ankle tenderly rubbing it. It actually felt good more than it hurt. I sighed leaning against his chest and relaxed myself completely.

“That feel good baby?”

“Yeah … thank you.”  

My eyes fluttered with sleepiness and he gently pulled me back onto his lap so I was curled in his arms.

“You close your eyes. You didn’t get much sleep last night.” He playfully teased placing a kiss on my forehead. I gave him a love drunk smile and snuggled closer letting sleep overtake me.


	10. You Deserve It

** Adam **

I had a sleeping Sauli snuggled in my arms for almost 3 hours until dinner was ready. I gently rubbed his cheek and he slowly opened his eyes.

“Sorry, dinner is ready. I hate to wake you … you were sleeping like an angel.”

“How long was I out?” I yawned stretching a bit my arms cracking from the lack of movement.

“Almost 3 hours … it’s 4pm.”

“You held me that long?”

“Of course … you looked so precious and I love when you cuddle up when you sleep.”

“Awe baby … you’re too good to me.”

He nuzzled his face into my neck and placed a kiss on my cheek. I helped him stand up and he was able to put weight on his ankle. I walked with him into the dining room and we sat down to a traditional Finnish Christmas eve meal. It was amazing … nothing like I had ever experienced before. My family never really believed in holiday meals. Maybe when I was really little but all my memories consist of me eating a Turkey TV dinner on the bed in my room. After we finished eating everyone walked into the living room where we were gathering to open presents. We piled everyone’s presents in front of them and in turn we each opened all of them. Sauli’s sisters went in order from oldest to youngest (I got them each charm bracelets from Kay jewelers), and then it was Sauli’s parent’s turn. I had got them a painting Sauli’s mom had admired in a magazine I brought there from home. They were super surprised and appreciative. It was then Sauli’s turn to open presents. He got a bunch of clothes and a huge box of his favorite Finnish snacks to take back to school with him. It was time for him to open his presents from me. He opened a small box and saw the black stone necklace laying in the box.

“I love it Addy. Here put it on me.” He leaned down and I clasped the necklace behind his neck. Then I got him a personalized signed cd of his favorite Finnish artist. He had a signing at the record store a week before but Sauli’s dad needed us at work so we couldn’t get there. His eyes lit up in excitement.  “Baby how did you do this?”

“Katri got it for me.”

“Thank you so much this is SO awesome.”

He threw his arms around my neck and kissed my forehead. In the final box was an iPod touch. He had fallen in love with mine and would always steal it from me. Most nights since we got to Hyvinkaa we would put in a headphone splitter and cuddle in bed listening to music. He unwrapped the final box and let out a shocked sputter.

“But they’re so …”

“You deserve it.” I smiled as he hugged me not wanting to let go.

“Thank you again … you didn’t have to do this. Now it’s your turn.”

He handed me a box and inside was a leather jacket and a wrapped box. I looked at the leather jacket and smirked,  I had eyed it at the store a few weeks before. I was so bummed I didn’t have the $275 it looked damn good on me even Sauli thought so.

“You little sneak. How did you manage this one?”

“Katri …”

We both laughed and I gave him a hug. I pulled up the wrapped box and unwrapped it. Sitting inside was a leather hand bound book with big words saying ‘Our Adventure Book’ on the cover. The first movie we had watched together was Up and it was a replica of the one from there. Sauli sat right against me and I opened it up. It contained all our memories we’d made since I got to Finland. It was written like a journal with blurbs what we did each day with pictures if there were any. There were a bunch of extra pages in the back to add even more memories. On the front cover there was a message in Sauli’s now familiar angular writing.

_Adam,_

_You said everything with me is an adventure so I thought what better way to keep a record of that adventure but with this. I love you Adam and I never want you to forget that. You mean everything to me. I can’t wait to grow old with you._

_All my love,_

_Sauli_

Tears made their way down my cheeks and I gently hugged him kissing his lips in thanks. “It’s perfect Sauli, just like you.” It was getting late so we said goodnight to everyone and walked upstairs to spend some time together. We got changed and Sauli curled up on my chest with his necklace still on. “There’s a reason I got you that necklace … I didn’t want to talk about it down there. The stone is supposed to have protective qualities … it’s supposed to keep you safe.”

Sauli gave me a sleepy smile and kissed my chest lovingly. I started running my fingers down his back and I could feel every last muscle relax. He felt like warm putty collapsed on my chest. I thought he was asleep and I found myself singing softly to him. I loved writing songs and I had written one with him in mind. But I would NEVER get myself to sing in front of someone. I had a decent voice I guess but didn’t have the necessary confidence.

*I had a vision that the colors had bled away. And I had nothing to follow. Was in a prison and my life was stuck on replay. And all my wishes were hallow. You were a beam of light. Lit up my broken sky. There was just something about you. I had a vision and it painted the world for me. And now I’m laying beside you. I don’t need to wander anymore. I have found what I’ve been looking for. I don’t need a map to know the way. I don’t need a map to tell me where I’m at. Now I believe in more than I can see. Now I can breathe again. And I don’t need a map to know the way. I don’t need a map you’ll always light the path. The dawn is bright and my perception is open wide. You know you flooded my senses. What you inspire is a feeling I can’t describe. Forgotten all my defenses. You were a beam of light. Lit up my broken sky. There was just something about you. I had a vision and you painted the world for me. And now I’m laying beside you. . I don’t need to wander anymore. I have found what I’ve been looking for. I don’t need a map to know the way. I don’t need a map to tell me where I’m at. Now I believe in more than I can see. Now I can breathe again. And I don’t need a map to know the way. I don’t need a map you’ll always light the path. Follow me. I believe, I believe, I believe in more than I can see. Now I believe in more than I can see. Now I can breathe again. And I don’t need a map to know the way. I don’t need a map you’ll always light my path.*

As I finished I could feel tears pooling thru my t-shirt. I gently reached down and lifted up Sauli’s face to see that he had been wide awake the whole time. I blushed beat red and he slid up to my face taking it in his hands.

“You sound like an angel. Why have you never sung for me?”

“I … I don’t sing for anyone. I thought you, were asleep.” I sputtered anxiously, nervous that anyone had actually heard me.

“That was beautiful Addy. Did you write it?”

“Yeah … for you, my baby.”

“Thank you for that. I’d like it a lot if you’d sing for me more.”  

“You really liked it that much?” I questioned my eyes wide and shocked. Was I really THAT good?

“Not like baby … LOVE.”


	11. He Knows ...

** Sauli **

Our plane had just landed in Pennsylvania and there was the charter bus waiting to take us to the school. As cuddly as Adam had been in Finland that’s how distant he was being once the plane landed other than a quick kiss in a dark corner of baggage claim. He was so frightened; I could see it in his eyes. The crowd around the buses was heavy so at least I had an excuse to be right up against him. When we got back to the school we made our way to our room and quickly unpacked our stuff since it was already 10pm. Adam laid down on his bed so I walked over and slid off his shirt, he was so tense. I started at his stomach and massaged every inch of skin all the way up to the sides of his face. His breathing regulated and he closed his eyes in relaxation. I laid down on his chest gently placing kisses across it.

“My baby …” I soothed, my lips dragging across his smooth flesh.

“Your baby huh?”

“Umm hum. I wish we could be lovey in public like in Finland. I miss that.”

“I miss it too.”

I snuggled close and fell asleep. We had class at 8am so we got up at 6:30am and Adam went to take a shower. I smirked and followed him in. When I pulled back the curtain he smirked and we took turns washing each other. He appreciatively kissed me and we got dressed. It was 7am so I quick ran downstairs to the coffee shop to get us mocha lattes and bagels. I walked back up and we sat and ate. After he finished I sat on his lap and looked in his eyes lovingly.

“It’s only 7:30am … we don’t have to leave yet if you don’t want.” I teasingly ran my finger from his chin straight down his neck to the top of his chest. He smirked and fiercely kissed me. How could things be this perfect and yet we still felt as though we had to hide? It wasn’t fair, not in the least bit.

There was no way we really could though we’d be late for sure. We were happy to see that this semester we had 2 classes together … Brit. Literature and Art. So we walked together to English. We were seated across the room from each other which I was totally bummed about. But the thing I was worried about most though was the fact that Chad, the leader of the group that had beat up Adam, was seated directly next to him. I couldn’t tell what was going on but Adam was crouched low in his seat and Chad was saying something to him. It broke my heart seeing him like that and I wanted to walk over and punch Chad right in the face. After class Adam took off right away and I quickly grabbed my stuff and ran after him. He ducked into the boys bathroom and I followed him in. I heard him puking his guts up in the bathroom stall.

“Adam … ?”

I heard sobs and he walked outside. “Sauli …”

I walked over and locked the door and walked back over wrapping my arms gently around him.

“What happened Addy?”

“He knows … Chad knows.” He sobbed running back into the stall to throw up yet again. I followed in behind him and rubbed his back. “He saw us at … the airport. The kiss after we picked up our baggage. Said he’s going to tell everything … hurt you.” He just kept heaving and I felt terrible.

“It’ll be ok Adam … I’ll make sure it’s ok. Shh.”

The bell rang and Adam stood up shaking. He didn’t really want to but we had to get to class. We walked out of the bathroom and down the hall where we ran into the dean.

“Adam Lambert … Sauli Koskinen, I was just going to come looking for you both. Can you come to my office with me?” His glare was intense but not threatening. What the hell was going on?

“Umm sure.”

Adam followed behind me hesitantly and we walked into the dean’s office. We sat down and the dean took his seat and clasped his hands together on the desk.

“As you know we have a no tolerance policy on bullying here. Chad Thomas is being expelled due to comments he’s just made in the hallway. I want you both to know this is a safe place, you don’t have to be afraid. Per policy I’ve called both your parents to tell them about the incident.”

I could see the little bit of joy on Adam’s face creep away and he slunk down in the chair at the mention of the dean calling his mom. We were then released to our classes and the day passed without any fanfare. There were a couple muffled whispers but nothing too bad surprisingly. We had our last class which was art together. Adam was going to get lunch right before so I waited right at the building entrance for him. As soon as he walked in he smiled and wrapped his arms around me. I stood in shock for a moment but relaxed and wrapped my arms around him in turn.

“I missed you. These last 3 hours dragged on so much, guess I’m not used to being without you.”

“I missed you too Adam.”

We walked to art class right next to each other our hands intertwined. I don’t know what changed Adam’s mind about keeping this relationship a secret but I certainly wasn’t going to complain. We took stools right next to each other and started drawing our first project which was something/someone that makes you happy. Adam gently turned my face toward him and I looked at him confused.

“Sit still for a moment.”

“Huh?”

Then I noticed that he was drawing me … I gave him THE most precious smile. He was such a sweetheart.


	12. Just Close Your Eyes

** Adam **

It was toward the end of March. The last 2 ½ months were amazing and I was so gloriously happy, everything was perfect. It was a Saturday so we were both curled up in bed watching some movie. Well sort of, Sauli was sleeping and I was only half playing attention. I was picturing how sexy Sauli would look naked with the glow from the setting sun streaming down his body, when my vibrating phone interrupted my thoughts. I kissed Sauli’s forehead and walked into the bathroom so I wouldn’t disturb him. I looked at the screen to see an unfamiliar cell phone number with the area code of my hometown.

_“Hello?”_

_“So I hear your fagging it up with your roommate.”_

_“I don’t care what you say Leila. I’m finally happy with my life … and you can’t change that.”_

_“That’s where you’re wrong … leave RIGHT NOW while you still have a chance. Before sunrise if you know what’s good for you.”_

_“You can’t make me leave. I love him.”_

_“Tough shit I don’t want you happy.”_

I slammed the phone down it breaking in 50 pieces on the ground. Sauli ran in the room the noise having woken him up. I just looked at him … my precious sweet Sauli.

“My mom … wants me to leave.” I could barely talk it felt like all the air was gone … like someone had stuffed cotton rags down my windpipe.  

“Leave? Leave where?!?” He immediately panicked his eyes wide with fear, fight or flight instincts kicking in.

“I don’t know … but she has something up her sleeve, she said ‘or else’.  That I had better leave before sunrise, but I can’t leave you … I won’t leave you.”

“Come here.” He pulled me over to the bed and we stripped. We didn’t have condoms but at that point we could’ve cared less. Sauli laid down and looked at me. “You top … I need that.”

We proceeded to have a full night of passionate love. We made sure to take advantage of every moment. I pulled Sauli into my arms and just held him against me his tears pooling on my taunt abdomen.

“Go to Finland … I can call my mom.”

“Sauli, I don’t want to get your family involved in all this. My mom still technically can do what she wants … I’m not 18 till next year.”

“I love you Addy.”

“I love you … more than anything in the world. You are my EVERYTHING.”

The rising sun soon blinded us … we had pulled an all-nighter. We put on sweats and Sauli clung to me snuggling as close as he could possible get. He leaned upwards and unclasped the necklace from his neck placing it around mine.

“I want you to take this, in case something happens.”

“I’ll be ok … I promise. Close your eyes angel …” He snuggled close me gently running my fingers thru his fluffy hair.

Sauli had just started to doze off when our door suddenly slammed open. There were guys in all black with badges saying ‘True North’. They violently grabbed Sauli throwing him off me and to the floor. I immediately went to attack them, nobody hurt him on my watch. They grabbed my arms yanking them harshly behind me putting them in handcuffs. I just looked at Sauli who was sobbing and made a ‘shhh’ noise at him. The guys grabbed my clothes throwing them haphazardly in a bag. While they were distracted I looked at Sauli and mouthed ‘ _Don’t worry I’ll be ok I promise … I love you_ ’. He quickly reached over and I kissed his hand pulling back before they saw. The guys finished grabbing my stuff and walked over wrapping a heavy duty leather belt around my chest. They grabbed onto the handle on the side of it and yanked me toward the door acting like I was a dog instead of a human being. I took one last look at Sauli then the door slammed shut behind me and they took me away.


	13. He Belonged There

** Sauli **

I couldn’t believe that Adam was gone … just like that. It felt like he took a piece of my heart with him, I didn’t feel like myself. It took every ounce of me to make it thru the last months of school and graduate. It hurt not having Adam there next to me … he BELONGED there. I had lied to my parents and told them that Adam had signed up for summer classes and couldn’t come to Finland yet so they didn’t buy him a ticket. I didn’t want to tell them … I didn’t want it to be that final. I didn’t want to admit that he wasn’t in my life anymore, thanks to his bitch of a mother. I flew home and my mom met me at the airport wrapping her arms around me. I wasn’t trying to tell her about Adam right away but as soon as I saw her the tears started.

“Sauli what’s wrong?!?”

“Adam … his mom got him taken away. They put him in this gay reform camp True North. I’m so scared for him … I just want him safe.” I sobbed violently to the point I was almost making myself sick over it.

“Oh Sauli …”

She kept her arms around me and didn’t want to let go. I got back to the house and went right to my room giving Sara a passing hug on the way. I closed the door behind me and curled up on my bed. It made me feel closer to Adam, the last time I had laid on it he had been snuggled up against me. I pulled out my iPod and turned on the Broadway recording of ‘Les Miserables’ … Adam’s favorite. I just laid there my tears soaking thru my pillowcase. I wanted him next to me … I wanted to lie on his chest and hear his heartbeat. I just wanted HIM.


	14. True Extent Of My Sorrow

** Adam **

I sat on a plane and stared out the window. The last 4 months had been pure hell. I had been verbally and physically abused, starved, and made to feel worthless. They tried to make me believe that I was a bad person, a disgusting person. They had tried to take Sauli’s necklace from me and I snapped. That’s when the first beating happened. They had yanked it off me causing all the stones to fall to the ground. I had braved the pain of a bruised rib bending to gather them like they were the last drops of water on earth. I had kept them safe ever since thru everything I had gone thru. I didn’t want to think about that place anymore. I had closed myself up … I had given up again. I wanted Sauli but I didn’t want him to see me like this. I had lost 30 pounds, my face was drawn and my hair was mangy and matted, I had burn scars and bruises all over my body. The program was giving me a plane ride back to Philadelphia and $250 was given to me by a human rights organization as I was leaving. After the plane landed I caught a bus to New York … I didn’t want to be in the last area I was with Sauli in. It hurt far too much. Plus I knew I would have a better chance of getting a job there. Once I got into NYC I got a room at a small motel and took a long shower getting the dried blood and knots out of my hair. I was a bruised mess still and the fresh cuts on my arm stung as I scrubbed them with soap. I wanted to cry but I couldn’t … I had to lock up all my emotions in order to cope. Over the next two years I got a job at a small café and was able to get myself a small decent apartment. It was pretty much just one room but it was clean and good enough for my needs. It allowed me to slowly put money aside to hopefully one day be able to travel to Helsinki to see Sauli again. I usually only had $10 or so every 2 weeks after bills but it was something, I was trying. It was dusk on a Friday night and my job for the night was cleaning the alley on the side of the building. It had gotten to the point that I was fed up … with everything. I don’t know how or even why but I started singing out loud not caring that I was outside where anyone could hear. Every word showed the true extent of my sorrow and pain … exactly how broken I was.

_*I was born by the river in a little tent. Just like the river I’ve been running ever since. It’s been a long, long time coming but I know. A change gonna come, oh yes it will. It’s been too hard living, but I’m afraid to die. I don’t know what’s out there beyond the sky. It’s been a long, long time coming but I know. A change gonna come, yes. And I go to the movies and I go downtown. Everybody there keeps telling me don’t you come around. It’s been a long, oh it’s been a long time coming. But I know my change gonna come, oh yeah. Then I go, go to my brother. I say brother help me please. He just winds up knockin’ me down. Back down on my knees. There were times I thought, I wouldn’t last too long. But not I know that I can carry on. It’s been a long, long time coming but I know. My change is gonna come.*_

It just so happened a record producer had taken a wrong turn walking to see some up-and-coming Broadway star and happened upon me in that alley. He scheduled me an appointment with the record label head for the next day, told me that he was sure they’d want to give me a record contract. As much as I never wanted to sing in front of anyone I HAD to do this. It would actually get me to Sauli that much quicker. They had me so busy recording and promoting stateside I couldn’t even think of flying to Finland. But all the promo helped me come out of my shell a lot. It gave me an opportunity to share my story of being in that horrible place. Even if it stopped ONE parent from doing that to their child I would feel accomplished. My cd was coming out in a few months so they wanted to do some international promo. I nearly jumped for joy when I saw Finland on the list … December 22nd-26th with the 24th-26th free. It would be 4 years since I had spent Christmas there with Sauli and his family. The joy nearly burst out of my emotionless shell … I couldn’t have been more excited.


	15. I Thought I Was Dreaming

** Sauli **

I woke up and looked at the calendar on the wall December 22nd … it was almost Christmas again. It seemed as though this time of year was the hardest for me. I walked into the bathroom and after closing and locking the door, grabbed the all too familiar razor blade. I found a clear spot and ran it across my arm letting the crimson liquid pool on my skin. The calming feeling started washing over me and I sat on the floor taking large deep breaths. I made another cut parallel to the first and then dropped the razor blade in the sink. I put a piece of gauze on them and taped it in place putting on a fresh long sleeved t-shirt. I walked downstairs to see that Niko, my roommate was sitting on the couch watching the news.

“Anything interesting happen?” I questioned haphazardly not really caring but wanting to be conversational.

“Eh not really. There is going to be some new artist from the US on in a few minutes. He’s supposed to be really good.”

“Oh …”

I walked into the kitchen and made myself a bowl of cereal. I sat at the kitchen table not really paying attention to the TV, but then I heard it. At first I thought I was dreaming but it felt too real, too clear. I walked out into the living room and stood in shock … Adam was on the TV singing the song he wrote me. More importantly he was IN Finland! Niko looked at me confused.

“What?”

“That’s Adam …” I could barely speak and kept trying to get my brain to tell my eyes that I wasn’t actually seeing him but it was him.

“THE Adam … your Adam?”

“Yes …”

I had told Niko all about Adam. I really had no choice he had tried to make moves on me and I broke down told him that I couldn’t be with anyone and explained everything to him. I sat down on the couch to listen to his interview.

_“So tell us a little about yourself. I was told you’ve had a bit of a dark past do you feel like talking about that?”_

_“Sure … my birth parents disowned me when I came out yet my ‘mother’ (and I use that term loosely) still felt the need to control my life and make it horrible. They sent me to a boarding school in Pennsylvania where I met the love of my life. I was so happy, he made me feel like nothing else mattered. When my mom found out I was happy she sent me to a ‘gay reform camp’ called True North. It was HELL … pure and simple. I was both physically and mentally abused, starved, and made to feel worthless. By the time they released me 4 months later I had lost 30 pounds and I was broken. You have to shut everything and everyone out in order to cope with being there. It’s not a solution to being gay, being gay is not a sickness it doesn’t need to be cured. It doesn’t work … not really anyway. Kids might act like it does and you kind of have to in order to ever get out of there.”_ As he talked he was fiddling with a bracelet on his wrist which I realized was made with the same stones as the necklace I had given him. It must’ve fallen apart.

_“Have you reconnected to the guy you met in Pennsylvania?”_

_“No I haven’t. I’ve wanted to try to get in touch so many times but I didn’t know how to. We lost contact but he lives here so I hope I’m able to see him before I leave. I hope he’s watching this._

_“Well I hope you do too. You have a show tonight right?”_

_“Yes we’re throwing a little impromptu show at the ice park in Helsinki at 7pm. It’s free with skating admission so come out and enjoy some live music.”_

The interview ended and I sat there frozen … I HAD to get a train to Helsinki. I had moved further north from Hyvinkaa so a train down there would take about 3 hours. I looked at the clock and saw that it was already 12:30pm. I just looked at Niko and ran upstairs full speed to take a nice long shower. I let the warm water cover my skin and I winced as it hit the fresh cuts. I immediately felt ashamed … Adam would see the scars coating my arm, know I wasn’t strong enough. I washed my hair 3 times and after making sure every inch of my skin was squeaky clean I stepped out with a towel wrapped around my waist. I walked to my closet and found my tight dark wash jeans that Adam had always loved, said they made my ass look amazing. I decided on a long sleeved black sweater and set everything on my bed to go start work on my hair. I had grown it out a bit so it looked like a clump of cotton candy. I put some product in my hand and worked it thru the curls. It made it fluff up even more. I stared in the mirror and added some black eyeliner to my eyes. Not a lot just enough to accentuate them. After I got dressed I grabbed my wallet and went to say goodbye to Niko. He was standing in front of the door with his sunglasses perched on the top of his head.

“Want me to come with?”

“I guess … you can if you want to.” I huffed wanting to be able to be alone in my thoughts until I got to see Adam again. It felt as though my stomach was doing the Macarena.

“Well I just thought it would help your nerves if I was there with you.” He frowned at bit since I gave him attitude when he was only trying to help.

“True, alright come on.”

We both left and caught the train for Helsinki. There was a bit of a delay and we didn’t get there until 5:30pm. By then it was PACKED! Niko said he would help me try to find Adam but we couldn’t find him anywhere, maybe he wasn’t even there yet. I figured I would just wait and try to meet up after the show. At 7pm he came out on the makeshift stage and I just stared at him in awe. I couldn’t believe he was here … and singing in front of everyone. I slowly tried to get myself closer and closer but hit a wall of people. At about 7:45pm he was done and said he was going to do a meet and greet over at the snack stand. By the time I got over there I was ¾ of the way back in the line. I just hoped that he wouldn’t leave until everyone got autographs and knowing Adam he wouldn’t. It took about 50 minutes but I got up to the front. The way it was set up was each person had a few seconds alone with him while the rest of the line was slightly around the corner out of view. It was my turn and I took a few steps toward him. He was laughing at something the guy who I assumed was his manager was saying to him. God I missed his laugh. I stood there and he turned and looked up to say hello. He saw it was me and the look on his face was of pure joy.

“Sauli!?! Oh my god … I can’t believe it’s you!” Tears had started making their way down my cheeks. He saw and threw his arms around me making me wince as he hit the fresh cuts. Thank god he didn’t notice. I just held onto him never wanting to let go again. “I know … I missed you too. Come back to my hotel with me?”

“I’d love to.” I whispered joy radiating out of my pores. I couldn’t believe he was right here … right in front of me after all this time.  He smiled in return and handed me a room key.

“Here. I have to finish up but I’ll meet you there?

“Ok.” Niko was trying to walk over to meet Adam with me but the security guard kept trying to stop his advance since I was still there. I reached past the guard gently grabbing Niko’s arm and guiding him forward. “Adam this is Niko my roommate …

“Hi Niko, it’s really nice to meet you.” He smiled his sunny smile reaching out and tightly clasping his hand.

“Likewise … I’m glad I FINALLY got to meet the infamous Adam. Sauli told me all about you, the boy is smitten.”

I blushed deep crimson and playfully punched Niko in the arm. “I’ll meet you at the hotel Adam. You have your house key right Niko?”

“Yes … have fun.” He teased and I could feel the heat in my face rise again.

I quickly left before Niko embarrassed me further, catching the bus to the hotel and found room 218. I walked inside and nervously sat on the edge of the bed throwing my coat on the side chair. About 45 minutes later I heard the door unlock and Adam walked inside. He gave me one of his heartwarming smiles and walked over to me sitting next to me. He patted his lap and I slid onto it snuggling against him.

“You don’t know how good this feels.” I murmured deeply breathing in his scent not truly believing I was in his arms again.

“Trust me … I do, it feels just as good to me. I’ve wanted to try to find you for a long time but I didn’t have the money. I didn’t have your number and I was scared. You wouldn’t have liked the person I was … I was hollow, emotionless.”

“All that matters is that you’re here now. I need you … I need you Adam.” I started sobbing like a dam had overflowed and there was no stopping it. Adam’s eyes filled with concern and he wrapped his arms around me a little too tightly. Unfortunately that caused me to yelp in pain. He pulled away and looked at me.

“What’s wrong?!?”

“It’s … it’s nothing. My arm just hurts.” I winced painfully as I adjusted a bit.

“Let me see?”

I looked in his eyes with ones filled with pain and regret allowing him to take off the sweater. When his eyes landed on my arm I immediately felt ashamed. He gently took my arm in his hands like I had done with his years ago. I sat there waiting for him to yell at me for not being strong enough but instead he tenderly traced the old scars. 

“I’m sorry I wasn’t … stronger.” I sniffled avoiding looking in his eyes. He gently lifted up my chin rubbing it.

“You’ve been so strong baby … so very strong. I should’ve tried to come for you sooner. I shouldn’t have been ashamed of myself. You of all people would’ve accepted me. I should’ve remembered and for that I am truly sorry.” He lifted my arm up and kissed the old scars. He got up to where the fresh cuts were. He gently pealed the gauze back and examined them screwing up his face. “They’re awful deep … did you put anything on them?”

I shook my head and he gently held me while he stood and walked into the bathroom. He sat me on the sink and got out a medicine kit from his toiletry bag. He pulled out a small bottle of peroxide and soaked a cotton ball with it. He gently placed the cotton ball to the wounds making me wince a little. Then he put a medicated bandage on it. He looked into my eyes and the next thing I knew our lips were connected. I groaned in enjoyment as his tongue explored my mouth. I put my legs on his sides using them to bring him close mashing our groins together. Adam moaned into my mouth and I wrapped my legs around to his back linking them together. He slid me off the counter and walked over toward the bed.

“Bottom or top?” It amused me that as dominate as he could be he always let me choose.

“Bottom …”

He gently lowered me to the bed and stood up to strip. He slid off my jeans and underwear and laid down on top of me. That night was everything to me … he made me feel whole again. I snuggled on his chest and fell deep asleep for the first time in what seemed like forever as he gently ran his fingers thru my hair. In the morning I woke up to the alarm clock and looked over at it … 7am. Adam gently rolled me off of him and got up. He realized I was awake and leaned over kissing me.

“Sorry … I have an interview and a radio station performance. Last night was amazing.” He gave me this sleepy smile and it made my insides do flip flops.  

“It sure was … should I go? I mean … do you want me to?” My hands clenched nervously beneath the blankets not knowing if this was just a booty call or did he want it to be something more?

“Of course not. Why would you think that?”

“I just … I don’t know.” I scrunched up nervously and Adam leaned down gently rubbing my chest.

“Tell me baby …”

“I guess I thought that now that you’re famous you could do better than me. That you probably already have better than me. Figured I would leave and be happy to have had a booty call with you.” Adam’s melodic laughter filled the room as he playfully kissed at my face.

“Oh Sauli … you are perfect baby. Never with you, I don’t want anyone else I want YOU Sauli Eerik Koskinen. I love you so much”

“I love you too … so very much.”

He realized how long my curls had gotten and ran his hand thru them. “So sexy baby … I love it.”

“I knew you would. Want me to come in the shower with you? You’ve been working so hard … I could clean you all up?”

“That sounds amazing.”

I followed him into the shower and cleaned every inch of his body while he stood there enjoying it. Suddenly after I finished he pushed me under the shower stream getting me soaked and proceeded to clean me up as well.

“Baby you’re going to be late.” I huffed in protest but he just giggled shampooing my locks.

“Don’t worry … it’s fine.”

After we were both cleaned up and dressed it was already 8am. Adam walked back in the bathroom to work on his hair and makeup. He emerged about a half hour later and walked back in the bedroom.

“Mmm sexy …” I growled as he playfully model strutted past me making sure to exaggeratedly bend showing off his ass in the jeans he was wearing … hot damn.

“Why thank you gorgeous. Would you like to come to the radio station with me?”

“I can do that?”

“Of course!”

I had THE most amazing day with Adam. They actually brought me into the interview because of Adam saying that he had reconnected with the love of his life. I took Adam out for dinner at my favorite restaurant and we cuddled up in the booth together. It was like we had never been apart. While we sat there my cell started ringing. I looked down and saw that it was my mom. We hadn’t really been talking for almost a year. She had tried to set me up on a date and I kind of overacted and told her to stay the fuck out of my life. That’s when I moved out with Niko. I hadn’t answered her calls since, not that she had called that much to begin with. I reached down and answered the phone.

_“Hello?”_

_“Sauli?”_ The shock was apparent in her voice, she hadn’t expected me to answer. That broke my heart and made me feel terrible.

_“Hi mom.”_

_“I’m so glad you answered my call. I’m so sorry about what happened.”_

_“I’m sorry too. Please forgive me for being an ass.”_

_“Of course you are my son. We’d love if you’d come here tomorrow for Christmas Eve. We all miss you so very much. You can bring Niko with you.”_

_“No he’s going to his parents. I’d like to bring someone else though … if that would be ok?”_

_“Of course, you can bring anyone you know that.”_

_“I’ll see you around 1pm tomorrow ok?”_

_“That’s fine … I love you son.”_

_“I love you too.”_

I hung up and looked up at Adam who had a curious look on his face. “Your mom?”

“Yeah … you’re free the next few days right? I’d love for you to come up to my parent’s with me.”

“I would love nothing more. I fly out on the 26th though …”

“Where do you go?” I tried to mask the pit in my stomach when I found out he’d be leaving so soon by feigning interest.

“Paris.” He said nonchalantly bringing a piece of bread to his lips.

“Wow I’ve always wanted to see Paris. It’s been a dream of mine since I was really little.”

“Then come with me.”

I was taking a drink of water and nearly choked sputtering on it. “Me … you want ME to tour with you?”

“Yes … more than anything.”

“Baby … I don’t have that kind of money. Or even travel miles … things kind of got bad right after … you know.” I let out a sigh looking out the window. “My dad had a heart attack about 8 months after and wasn’t able to work for nearly a year after. They sold all the frequent flier miles to pay for the necessities.”

“I got you … you don’t have to worry about money. It’s time for me to take care of you. Let’s finish up and get back to the hotel we have to get up early again tomorrow.”


	16. This Crazy Life

** Adam **

We had just gotten off the train in Hyvinkaa and we decided to just walk the mile to the house. It was a trip down memory lane that’s for sure. About halfway there, was a little woods and we both started giggling. We had almost had sex in it but the fear of frostbite had us second guess that decision. So instead we had carved our initials on a tree. I grabbed Sauli’s hand and lead him into the woods. After searching for a few moments we found the tree and both smiled.

“I can’t believe that it’s still here.” The smile on his face nearly made my heart skip a beat. How did I get so lucky to find him again.

“Me either. Let’s take a picture.”

We posed with the tree in between us and I quickly snapped the photo.

“Come on my family is waiting. They are going to be so surprised to see you.”

We headed back out of the woods and toward the house. When we got to the door Sauli knocked and a few moments later his mom answered and smiled. I was standing out of sight so she only saw him.

“I’m so glad you came Sauli … so very glad.” She pulled him into a tight hug and kissed his forehead. “I thought you were bringing a friend?”

“I did.” He reached over pulling me in sight and his mom smiled.

“Adam … you’re safe!! I’m so happy.”

She wrapped her arms around me tears splashing my neck. I put my arms around her and smiled. It felt amazing that she cared about me to this extent. She ushered us inside and we greeted all the other family members there. Two of Sauli’s sisters had gotten married and each had a little boy. Seeing Sauli playing down on the floor with his nephews was absolutely precious. Before I knew it Christmas had passed and it was time to leave for Paris. I had gotten up at 5am to take a shower before the flight. Once I was done I walked in the hotel room and leaned down to kiss Sauli awake.

“Come on baby we have a flight to catch.”

“It’s too early.” He grunted and buried his head under the pillow. He never was a morning person.

“I know it’s early … come on go get done and then we can cuddle for a little ok?” He sleepily trudged into the bathroom and about a half hour later he stumbled back into the room fully dressed. I was laying on the bed and I giggled at him. “Awe my poor baby … come here your Addy will make it all better.”

He curled up on my chest and I gently rubbed his back making ‘shhh’ noises in his ear. He ended up falling asleep. Thank god he was all dressed because I ended up carrying him to the car and from the car to the airport. It was 2 hours before our flight took off so my manager Dana and I found a seating area in the terminal with Sauli still fast asleep on my lap snuggled against me. It was an hour later when he finally started to stir.

“Well hello sunshine.”

“Huh … where are we?” He looked around completely and entirely confused about his surroundings.

“Airport terminal. I carried you, you were out cold and I didn’t have the heart to wake you again.”

“Awe you should’ve woken me up, I can’t believe you had to carry me.”

“Oh please Sauli you’re not a problem at all. So are you excited for our new adventure?”

“Umm hum.” He mumbled burying his face against my chest avoiding my glance.

“You don’t seem so sure?” I questioned lifting up his face he sighed and frowned.

“It’s just that I still can’t believe you’re back. I thought I lost you for good. It almost doesn’t feel real.”

“I’m here and I’m never leaving you again. Oh you’ve never officially met Dana. Sauli this is Dana my manager … Dana this is my sunshine Sauli.”

“It’s really nice to meet you.”

“It’s nice to meet you too. Adam talks about you all the time. It’s nice to finally meet you the boy is smitten.”

Soon our flight started boarding about 6 hours later we landed in Paris … the city of love. It was beautiful and being here with the love of my life was surreal. The 3 days we were there they had me super busy but Sauli tagged along with me his radiant smiles never leaving his face. After Paris was Copenhagen, Berlin, London, Oslo, Tokyo, Hong Kong, Sydney, and Auckland in what was a world wind month and a half packed full of crazy schedules. Thru it all no matter how busy I was I could always look forward to coming back to the hotel and getting a nice full body massage before bed courtesy of Sauli. Even on my hardest days he put me at ease, he made this crazy life worthwhile.


	17. This Is For You

** Sauli **

I woke up in the empty bed of our house and walked over to the calendar. I took a marker off the table and x’ed off another day … 12 more days. I had traveled with Adam for almost 6 months straight but it got to be too much. I wouldn’t even see him other than maybe an hour or two tops, they had him so busy. He would fight sleep to spend time with me and it broke my heart for him to do that for me. We had made the joint decision to rent a flat in NYC and decided on furniture in a catalog. I had decorated the apartment myself, he had never even seen the place in person seeing as he had been touring for 6 months since I had moved in. Truth be told it was very lonely but I would do anything for Adam … he was worth it. I suddenly realized what today was and sighed … it was Valentine’s Day. My phone started ringing and I looked over a huge smile forming.

_“Hey Addy!”_

_“Hi love. Did I wake you?”_

_“No I got up a few minutes ago. Where are you today?”_

_“I’m in Tulsa. Happy Valentine’s Day. I wish I could be there with you.”_

_“It’s ok … really. Happy Valentine’s Day to you too babe.”_

_“Will you be home later? I may have ordered you a present. It’s supposed to be delivered around 1pm.”_

_“Baby … you shouldn’t have. Yep I’ll be here don’t have anything planned today.”_

_“I have to go ok. I’ll call you back tonight. I love you.”_

_“I love you too Addy. Only twelve more days …”_

_“Yes only twelve more days.”_

I hung up the phone and jumped into the shower so I was dressed and ready to wait for the delivery. Around 1:30pm there was a loud knock on the door and when I opened up the door there was a man with a HUGE box on a wheeled cart.

“Sauli Koskinen?” He questioned reading from his clipboard his chestnut hair hung low over his eyes.

“Yes.”

“I got this package for you. If you step aside I can bring it in there for you.”

He wheeled the box in the house and carefully slid it off the cart. I thanked him handing him a few dollars tip and he left. I reached up and pulled the box lid off and when I did Adam stood up with a bouquet of ruby red roses and a box of chocolates in his arms. I held onto his arm as he stepped out of the box and smirked at me.

“Surprise.”

“Addy I … how are you here?”

“I reworked my schedule. I’m home baby … I’m home.” His face was glowing and I was just so damn happy that he was home with me. I missed him soo much.

“I can’t believe you … you’re such a sneak!” He put the roses in a vase in the dining room and placed the box of candy next to it as he walked back over to me. I playfully punched his arm but then wrapped my arms tightly around him. I buried my head in his neck inhaling his intoxicating scent. “I can’t believe you surprised me like this. You are THE best. What do you think of the place? I hope you like it.”

“I love it … it’s perfect just like you. I don’t know about you but I’m DYING for a chocolate.”

I giggled at him and walked over and opened up the chocolate box. When I did sitting smack-dab in the middle was a silver ring. I gasped and Adam smiled and got down on one knee.

“Sauli my sunshine, will you marry me?”

“Yes oh my god yes!” He slid the ring on my finger and I jumped up in his arms. He kissed my neck and whispered in my ear.

“I think we have a bed in there that needs to be christened don’t you?”

“You took the words right out of my mouth.”


End file.
